11 Things You Should Never Do During A High-Conflict Divorce
Divorce can be emotionally draining even when both parties cooperate. But when the situation turns into a high-conflict divorce, especially when children are involved, the stakes rise significantly. I’ve seen clients unintentionally harm their case by acting out of frustration, fear, or misinformation. Under Illinois law, your conduct during the divorce process can influence key outcomes, such as parenting time, asset division, and spousal maintenance.
Illinois is a no-fault divorce state under 750 ILCS 5/401(a), which means a judge will not consider who caused the breakdown of the marriage. However, your actions during the proceedings can still affect judicial discretion, especially in child-related matters governed by 750 ILCS 5/602.7 and 750 ILCS 5/603.10. Here’s what you need to know, and what to avoid, if you’re going through a contested or high-conflict divorce.
Never Use Your Children As Pawns
Under Illinois law, courts make decisions based on the “best interests of the child.” Trying to turn your children against the other parent or interfering with parenting time violates this principle and can backfire in custody determinations. According to 750 ILCS 5/602.7(b), judges evaluate each parent’s willingness to foster a close relationship between the child and the other parent. Weaponizing children can damage your credibility and reduce your parental responsibilities or rights.
Avoid Social Media Outbursts
What you post online can be used against you in court. I’ve had clients lose credibility or face increased scrutiny due to Facebook posts or text messages. Illinois courts allow digital communications as admissible evidence. A single angry post, even if deleted later, can be screenshot and presented to the judge as an example of your character or emotional fitness.
Don’t Violate Court Orders
Temporary orders regarding parenting time, support, or restraining issues must be followed. Violating a court order, even once, could result in contempt proceedings, fines, or custody limitations. Under 750 ILCS 5/607.5, courts can impose supervised parenting time if one party is deemed harmful or uncooperative with existing orders.
Never Hide Assets
Illinois requires full financial disclosure during divorce proceedings. Concealing assets or underreporting income can lead to severe legal consequences. If the court discovers intentional deception, it may award the hidden asset to the other spouse entirely or order monetary sanctions.
Don’t Involve Your New Partner In The Conflict
Introducing a new romantic partner into a contentious divorce can inflame tensions and damage co-parenting efforts. Although Illinois law doesn’t prohibit dating during divorce, courts may consider whether a relationship harms the child’s well-being or escalates conflict. It’s best to maintain boundaries and keep new partners out of the courtroom and away from children during litigation.
Refrain From Making Threats Or Acting Aggressively
Judges take allegations of harassment and intimidation seriously. Under the Illinois Domestic Violence Act (750 ILCS 60), threatening or intimidating your spouse, whether in person, via text, or through a third party, can lead to an order of protection and jeopardize your rights to parenting time and access to the marital home.
Don’t Ignore Legal Advice Or Try To “Win” Every Argument
In high-conflict divorces, the emotional impulse to “beat” your spouse can blind you to practical and legal realities. Ignoring your attorney’s guidance or fighting every issue can prolong litigation, increase legal fees, and reduce the likelihood of a favorable outcome. Trust the legal strategy and focus on long-term stability, especially if children are involved.
Avoid Making Major Financial Decisions Without Advice
High-conflict divorce often includes disputes over spousal maintenance and property division. In Illinois, judges look at the financial behavior of each spouse. Making large purchases, quitting a job, or transferring money without a clear reason can be used to show financial irresponsibility or bad faith.
Don’t Badmouth Your Spouse To Family Or Mutual Friends
Negative comments often make their way back to your spouse and can affect settlement discussions. In custody cases, third-party testimony can influence the court’s view of your parenting conduct. It’s best to avoid venting publicly and work through frustrations with a therapist or trusted legal advisor.
Never Move Away With The Children Without Court Permission
Under 750 ILCS 5/609.2, any relocation of a child requires notification and possibly court approval, depending on the distance. Leaving the state or relocating more than 25 miles from the child’s current home in Cook, DuPage, Kane, Lake, McHenry, or Will Counties requires specific procedures. Failing to follow them could result in losing parenting time or being held in contempt.
Don’t Represent Yourself In A High-Conflict Divorce
Even if you are intelligent and articulate, representing yourself is risky. Illinois family law is detailed and procedural. Filing the wrong document or failing to respond correctly to a motion can damage your case. An attorney understands the long-term impact of legal strategy and how to protect your rights under Illinois law.
Frequently Asked Questions About High-Conflict Divorce In Illinois
What Happens If My Spouse Refuses To Cooperate During The Divorce?
When one party refuses to cooperate, the court may still proceed with the divorce. Illinois is a no-fault state, so your spouse doesn’t have to agree to end the marriage. However, refusal to attend hearings, disclose finances, or comply with orders can result in default judgments, sanctions, or modified parenting orders. If your spouse is acting in bad faith, we can bring that to the court’s attention and request relief.
Can I Request Sole Custody In A High-Conflict Divorce?
Illinois uses the term “allocation of parental responsibilities” rather than custody. Courts are cautious about awarding sole decision-making power unless there’s evidence that one parent is unfit, abusive, or unwilling to cooperate. If co-parenting is impossible due to hostility or safety concerns, we can ask the court to limit the other parent’s authority, but that requires strong evidence.
Is Mediation Mandatory In A High-Conflict Divorce In Illinois?
In most counties, including Cook County, mediation is required for parenting disputes unless there’s a history of abuse or other exceptions apply. Mediation offers a chance to resolve child-related issues outside of court. However, it may not be productive in high-conflict cases where one party refuses to act in good faith. In those cases, the court may waive mediation or end it early.
What If My Spouse Tries To Alienate The Children From Me?
Parental alienation is taken seriously by Illinois courts. Under 750 ILCS 5/602.7(b)(13), judges can consider whether a parent is actively interfering with the child’s relationship with the other parent. If alienation is proven, the court may change parenting time or decision-making responsibilities to protect the child’s best interests.
Can I Record Conversations With My Spouse For Evidence?
Illinois is a two-party consent state, meaning it’s illegal to record private conversations without permission from all parties involved. Using such recordings could violate the Illinois Eavesdropping Act (720 ILCS 5/14-1) and result in criminal charges. Always talk to your lawyer before attempting to gather evidence.
How Does Illinois Handle Property Division In A High-Conflict Divorce?
Illinois follows the principle of equitable distribution under 750 ILCS 5/503. That doesn’t mean everything is split 50/50. Instead, the court considers factors like contributions to the marriage, dissipation of assets, and future needs. If one party has acted unfairly—such as by hiding assets or racking up debt—those actions can impact how property is divided.
Protect Your Rights And Your Future During A High-Conflict Divorce
At the Law Office of Fedor Kozlov, I work with individuals on both sides of high-conflict divorce cases, whether you’re initiating the process or responding to toxic conduct. We understand the emotional and legal intensity that comes with contested custody, financial disputes, and prolonged litigation. My goal is to help you regain control, protect your children, and work toward a fair resolution that secures your future.
If you’re going through a high-conflict divorce in Schaumburg or anywhere in the Chicago area, you need clear legal guidance backed by courtroom experience. Call our Chicago divorce lawyer at the Law Office of Fedor Kozlov at (847) 241-1299 to schedule a consultation. We represent clients in Schaumburg, Arlington Heights, Palatine, Hoffman Estates, Elk Grove Village, and throughout Cook County and the Chicago area. Let’s discuss your rights, your goals, and your best legal options.
