Questions To Help You Decide If Divorce Is Inevitable
Having struggles in marriage is normal, but if a couple has enough serious disagreements about critical issues, it may be time to consider divorce. However, it is difficult to know in many situations if divorce is the right decision. Divorce is a huge step in your life, so ask yourself the questions mentioned below to determine if divorce is inevitable. Then, speak to our Schaumburg divorce lawyers at the Law Office of Fedor Kozlov, P.C., for assistance.
Divorce Laws In Illinois
If you and your spouse decide to divorce in Illinois, several steps must be followed. First, file a divorce petition in the county where at least one of you lives. There is no waiting period required in Illinois to file a divorce petition.
The fee for filing for divorce varies in the state by county. If you cannot afford to file, you may apply for a filing fee waiver with the appropriate court.
Before the judge grants your Illinois divorce, one or both spouses must show grounds. The only grounds recognized in the state are ‘irreconcilable difference,’ which some call a no-fault divorce. In addition, spouses must be separated for six months in different households or in the same home.
Have You Fully Communicated Your Unhappiness To Your Spouse?
Do not assume your spouse knows why you are unhappy in your marriage. For example, if you only told your spouse once or twice that his weight gain makes you not want to be intimate with him, do not assume that he fully understands. Or, if you always feel blamed for everything that goes wrong in the home, make sure that you raise clear red flags about the matter with your spouse.
Some partners file for divorce too quickly without ensuring they have communicated their unhappiness calmly to the other party. Once you have done that and their behavior has not changed, perhaps divorce is inevitable.
Are You Ready To Go Through A Divorce?
Before filing for divorce, you must be sure you want to go through it and not try to make the marriage work anymore. Once you tell your spouse that the marriage is over and you want out, it is difficult to turn back. However, if you have the slightest interest in salvaging the union, do so, perhaps with the help of a therapist or marriage counselor.
Also, look at your entire marriage and what you do not like about it. Ask if any of the things you do not like are in your control. If they are, consider continuing to work on your marriage. But if most of the issues are in your partner’s control, you may have either to accept the current situation or file for divorce.
Are You Ready For The Emotional Consequences?
You should never stay in a dysfunctional or abusive marriage out of fear, but getting divorced has emotional consequences that should not be underestimated. If you were with your partner for years, getting divorced with upset you, and probably more than you realize.
Are you ready to be single and deal with being alone after years of being with your spouse? Newly divorced parties commonly feel a huge loss and loneliness that can linger for months or years. You should expect to feel grief over the end of the marriage, so you should prepare for this by having friends and family nearby.
Do You Have Reasonable Expectations?
Many say marriages do not end because people fall out of love. Instead, people fall out of love and get divorced because of unmet expectations. But some people have unreasonable expectations of their partners.
Some people are unhappy in their marriages because they feel the union is ‘too difficult.’ However, for the most part, staying in a happy marriage requires work on both sides. Therefore, before you decide to go through a divorce – one of the most difficult processes people go through – ask yourself if your expectations of your spouse are reasonable.
Did You Try To Make The Marriage Better?
There are many aspects of a successful marriage. If some of these aspects chronically need repair, the marriage will eventually break down. Look at your behavior in the marriage before filing for divorce:
- Did you prioritize spending quality time with your spouse?
- Are you using alcohol, food, or work to reduce and avoid intimacy with your spouse?
- Are you addicted to drugs or alcohol?
- Is there a mental health issue that has not been treated on your side?
Next, look closely at your attitudes about marriage. Do you always need to be ‘right’? Do you blame your spouse for most things wrong in the marriage? Do you think your spouse’s moods define if you are happy or not?
Many experts say you should spend at least six months trying to repair the marriage before giving up. This is because if you have been waiting for your spouse to change without doing any work on your side, you still need to do more work to repair the marriage. But divorce may be inevitable if you have tried for months to improve things and there is no progress.
What Will The Effect Be On The Children?
Do you have children living at home? Then, you have to consider how divorce will affect them. While you may try to keep their lives the same, the effects of divorce will inevitably trickle down to them.
Unless you and your spouse argue a lot of there is abuse in the marriage, most kids want to live in the home with both parents. Some research suggests that children are better off when they reside with both parents, even when there is unhappiness in the marriage.
It is difficult for all parties to shuttle children between two residences after a divorce. You may even eventually regret getting divorced because of all the stress of child visitation. Also, if your ex-spouse has a new love interest, that person will ultimately be spending time with your children. How will you feel about that?
Also, finding a new spouse can be more complicated when children from a previous marriage are involved. As a result, almost 2/3 of second marriages are estimated to fail, and the number rises to 73% for third marriages.
None of this says you should not get divorced if you are miserable. But it is worth considering how the breakup will affect the kids.
Are You Ready For Financial Uncertainty And Stress?
You should also think about the financial issues that may accompany a divorce. There will be two households now, and there could be alimony and child support to figure out. You also may find it harder to maintain your lifestyle with only one income. There also will be legal fees and the cost of keeping the hope on one income for one of the spouses.
Just because divorce may cause financial hardship temporarily does not mean you should not do it. But it can help to ease the process if you save money for several months before filing for divorce. Then, with more financial resources at your disposal, it may be easier to make the divorce decision when the time comes.
Why Do You Want A Divorce?
The only reason to say you want a divorce is to end it. If you are trying to get something out of the other person by threatening a divorce, it will not work. If you threaten to end the marriage, your spouse will not change or treat you the way you want. Remember, divorce is not a tool or weapon to get the other person to mend their ways. Threatening divorce will not give you leverage over your spouse.
So, ask yourself why you think you want a divorce. Is it to tell your partner that the marriage is not working? Are you upset and frustrated? Is wanting a divorce about gaining power or wanting your spouse to take you seriously?
If you want a divorce because of any of the above factors, communication could solve these problems instead of divorce threats. Then, when you are ready for divorce, you will be ready to move on because you know there is nothing else you can do to salvage the situation.
Did You Think About How Life Will Be When Divorced?
Divorce is a huge relief if you feel trapped in a terrible marriage. But life after divorce shocks many people. This is especially true if there are children involved. For instance, if you think your husband is controlling now, wait until you need to work with him on child visitation and who gets which kids on holidays. You also may need to handle many things your spouse once handled after divorce. Life changes when you get a divorce, and it is not always things that you will like.
Speak To Our Schaumburg Divorce Lawyers Now
If you think you are ready for a divorce, you should speak to an attorney today. The attorneys at the Law Office of Fedor Kozlov, P.C. have years of divorce experience, and you can rest assured that your case is being handled by highly-skilled attorneys. Contact our Schaumburg divorce lawyers now at (847) 241-1299 for a complimentary consultation.